Everyone Told Me the Same Thing

There is a question I started asking people as I was able to sit at the “adult table” in conversations:

“What do you wish you had done more of in your life? Is there anything you regret not doing?”

I don’t really remember when I started asking it. Maybe it was because I was becoming more curious about what life actually looks like when you have lived enough of it to look back. Or maybe I was in an identity crisis and just trying to figure out what life is about.

Every time I sat down with an older person, I would eventually ask.
The answers were always different. Different lives, different circumstances, different choices.
But somehow, they were all saying the same thing.

Live and love more.
Take more risks.
Travel more.
See more of the world.
And, maybe most importantly, listen to yourself more and to everyone else a little less.

Some people told me they wished they had taken a year off. Others wished they had travelled more often, even if it was just a few trips every year.
Some wished they had spent more time doing things they actually wanted to do instead of doing what was expected of them or building a career for others.

The details changed.
The feeling behind it didn’t.
They kept putting things off.
There was always something that seemed more important at the time. A career. Money. Children. Responsibilities. Fear.

And sometimes, simply the feeling that there would always be more time later.
I found that strangely comforting and terrifying at the same time. Because isn’t that what most of us do? We tell ourselves that we’ll do it eventually. After university. After we get a better job. After we have saved enough money. After the children are older. After life becomes a little less complicated. There is always an “after.”

And I started wondering how many things we never actually get around to doing because we keep waiting for the perfect moment. The funny thing is that many of these people weren’t telling me that they had lived bad lives. They hadn’t necessarily made terrible decisions. Even if you asked them now, they would say they are happy with their lives.

They had simply listened to other people too often. They had chosen what felt safe. They had done what was expected of them. And somewhere along the way, some of the things they wanted for themselves became things they would have liked to do. That distinction stayed with me.

Because there is a huge difference between saying:
“I didn’t want to do it.” and “I wish I had done it.”

I thought about that a lot. Then, in one casual conversation with my aunt, she said something that stayed with me ever since. Something I have found myself repeating to people around me again and again:

“It’s better to have done it and be able to say you didn’t like it than to miss the chance and spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been.”

Maybe that’s what taking a risk really means. Not knowing that it will work out. Not knowing that you will even like the outcome. Just being willing to find out. Because sometimes the risk isn’t in doing something and failing. Sometimes the bigger risk is never doing it at all. Not because I believe everyone should quit their job, sell their things and travel the world. That isn’t realistic, and it isn’t what everyone wants. But I do think we should be honest with ourselves about the things we want.

And sometimes I wonder how many people know exactly what they want, but have convinced themselves that they can’t have it. Maybe because it’s too risky. Maybe because people around them don’t understand it. Maybe because it’s easier to stay where you are than to find out what happens if you leave. For me, those conversations became harder and harder to ignore, because I had something I wanted to do. I wanted to see the world and I kept finding reasons to wait. Until eventually I started asking myself a different question:

What if I wait too long?
What if “later” never comes? And maybe that’s what those conversations really taught me.Not that we should all live without responsibility. Not that fear is always wrong. And definitely not that travelling is the answer to everything. Just that life is made up of choices. And at some point, we have to decide what is worth risking to find out what might be possible.

I don’t know what I’ll regret when I’m old. But I know I don’t want one of my regrets to be that I was too afraid to find out what was waiting for me outside the life I already knew. So I went. And I’m still going.

What would you regret not doing?

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And to my little sister:

You have so many possibilities in front of you. More than you probably realize right now. Never make yourself smaller because something feels too big, too risky, or too far away.

“take a risk or lose a chance”

The world is much bigger than the life you can see from where you are standing right now.

Go see it.

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Written by Fabienne, Puerto Rico